No, not that one, worse than that.
That's right, focus.
It's a term that keeps coming up, usually following the words "I can't".
What's got me a little put out is that it's not just work, it's life, it's training, it's my health and my home. Sure, I'd like to blame it all on the craziness that has been our life for the last few weeks, but that's only been the straw to break the camel's back, not the problem itself.
Any mums can relate. Lately the only conversations I have with my momma friends revolve around this return to work, in no matter what capacity. We're all bright women with goals and aspirations, and not all of them job-related. We're struggling with balancing time with our children with bringing home an income, but more than this we're struggling with promising more than we can deliver or, gasp, not being able to focus on what we do have in front of us. Personally, what I'm CAPABLE of and what I'm WILLING to commit to are two very different beasts right now. That goes hand in hand with feeling somewhat unfulfilled with work and questioning the balance of time spent working.
In reality, my days are not so bad and the my return to earning a meager wage has gone swimmingly. Chou transitioned to day care like a duck to water. I've managed to pick up right where I left off and I'm at least mostly excited about the tasks at hand. If I suffer from focus issues now and again, I blame the still somewhat sleepless nights and making milk (it's a very big draw on my system, OK?)
Where I'm really struggling to focus is on training. In fact, I can officially say I'm no longer training. For anything. And it's a slippery slope. My Weight Watchers coupons ran out this week. In two weeks I've pounded out....three.whole.miles. I'm carbo loading, boredom eating and watching the pants get tighter, the sleep get worse and my skin break out. This isn't about weight loss, this is a lack of focus on health. See? It's that F word again.
And just when I needed it most, the latest Running Room magazine arrived in the mail. There's an article in there that really hit home. I do need to take a step back, REFOCUS, prioritize healthy eating, build core strength and lean muscle mass, stretch and drop some unnecessary pounds. I officially admit that my periformus (sp?) is not getting better. Guess what was also covered in today's magazine? Yep. I need to address this before it hamstrings my running for good.
I dropped out of the Ottawa half last week. I'll consider my $45 entry fee a goodbye gift to my former home city. I started looking at signing up for the Manitoba Half, and then realized I don't have to run a half this spring. I can run the Queen City Half in September. Nearly a year between big races is just fine.
At the very least, it'll give me time to focus.