I should maybe sleep before I post.
Why? Well, I rejoined Weight Watchers tonight. Which means I weighed in. I knew it would be bad, I even mentally prepared myself for the worst. Which was good, seeing as my "worst" was nearly exactly my weight. In short, I thought I had gained about 10 pounds this year. In fact, I've gained 18.
When I put it down on paper, it all makes sense. In June, I stopped nursing Chou. For some, breastfeeding does not help them lose weight, for me, it was nature's way of saying "eat whatever you want! The baby will suck it out of you!" And she did. My fittest and leanest I've been in the past three (make that 16) years was when she was full on nursing and I was training for a half. There's a lesson there. Maybe. Second, I changed jobs in Feb/March, but was in the easy phase of my job. September started the busy season (and it's about to get much worse). Just prior to that, however, I buggered up my hip, putting any running on the back burner (as in, I just stopped. Everything). Then things got more than a little stressful here at home, and well, I started filling my face. And filling it some more. Then, in the last two months it all caught up with me. My guess is I've gained a full 10 to 12 pounds in just the last two months. Yes, really.
As far as eating goes, I started some bad habits, too — cream for my coffee and 2% milk the rest of the time, full fat cheese, too much pasta and potatoes and not enough leafy leafies. Somehow crackers and chips made there way back into our house, and I've been baking like crazy and not sharing.
The bottom line is, my goal of 15 lb by Chou's birthday is still my goal, but that will still leave me a full 16 pounds away from my goal weight (instead of another five or so). That's right...31 pounds to lose (and that's still on the high side of "acceptable" for my height, according to WW). THIRTY ONE POUNDS. What ticks me off is that I've done this all before. Jeepers, what was I thinking? This time last year I would have had only 13 to lose, not 31. That THAT just pisses me off.
But, alas, I'm rambling.
On the plus side, I'm really looking forward to getting to know the new WW program, and I walked home feeling upset with myself, but excited and empowered to get going on it. I only knew one person in the room of 15, meaning I might make some new friends. I also completely underestimated the value of having to weigh in in front of someone every week. I know, for a smart girl I sure can be dumb.
As fitting punishment to my new (high) low, I have a week's worth of meetings next week and have exactly ZERO dress pants that fit. Oh, did I mention I split my "fat" jeans on New Year's Eve? And every dress shirt I own is now tight on the arms or shows off more of my boobs than I'd like (even while I'm ovulating). What does all this mean? It means that I, Ms. CaddyWumpus, not only has to shop for new clothes (kill me now), but I have to buy all clothes one to two sizes bigger than I want to (kill me, I said!).
AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
That's right, all my fault. I get that. Which also means doing something about it is also entirely up to me. And so I shall.
Janathon totals: Yoga 5/5, Run 2/5, Shred 2/5 (plus today I walked to the WW meeting and back. A surprising number of people drove. Lazy bums!)